Monday, August 18, 2003
Why I'm limping
This year in Columbus, Ohio, spring never ended. In defiance of a long-standing pattern, we got plenty of rain all through the summer months. Here it is pushing September, and my lawn is not just still green, but still growing. Still producing those nice emerald-green new shoots. Normally by this time in high summer, my grass would be a field of dead brown fibrous matter that turns to dust if you touch it. You literally have to keep from walking on it during those times, since a single set of tracks can show up as neat, foot-shaped bald spots when things briefly green back up after the rain comes back in late September of a normal year.
The difference in moisture levels has affected more than just the plants, as well. There's a new breed of spider that has taken over the outside of my house this year. Normally, there would be tons of Phidippus Audax running around out there. These are medium-sized jumping spiders that are black and furry, except for a white diamond on their back, and two long, white triangles on their undersides. I'd gotten used to seeing them around the house during the summer. This year I haven't seen a single one.
Instead, I've encountered dozens of some new species. I haven't identified them for sure yet, but the leading condender is Dolomedes Tenebrosus, or the "dark fishing spider". They're large and predatory-looking, resembling wolf spiders, but are web-spinners. The ones around my house build large (18 inches or so) webs of classical shape. I've also seen them doing other little tricks, one of which is to get up into a high spot and drop down very suddenly on things. Mostly on me, as a matter of fact. I've taken to calling them "tiger spiders" both becuase of their color and their attitude.
I've been out trying to get the trim on my house painted this summer, and I've run into these things repeatedly, usually when about nineteen feet off the ground, hanging precariously onto my "light duty" (read "wobbly-ass") aluminum ladder, with a can of paint in my hand. I definitely preferred the jumpers.
On saturday I was out finishing up one of the corners of my house, and I kept seeing yellow-jackets flying nearby. I've been nailed by these guys so many times I can't remember them all, but I've developed an aversion to them since last year when a particularly nasty one got me in the back of the hand, which swelled up like a clown glove for about two weeks. Also last year, a bunch of them decided to set up house in my garage. I took about three years off my life with the amount and variety of chemical agents I employed trying to kill them. Someone should send that moron Hans Blix out to my garage. I guarantee even he would find me in violation of some international chemical weapons treaty, even a year later.
So anyway, just as I was thinking "I hope those yellowjackets don't have a nest around here", I looked up from where I was painting under the eaves. About a foot above my head I see a few dozen angry-looking yellowjackets all standing on the wood near the corner of the gutter. I swear each and every one was looking at me. I very nearly fell of the ladder trying to get down.
As I was peeking up at them a few minutes later, trying to figure out what to do, with my head just above a separate section of the roof, one of these big tiger spiders comes out of the gutter about an inch and a half away from my face. I hadn't even seen her web. I managed to hold still as she went up her web, which I could now see was anchored on the same place where all the yellowjackets were. She climbed right up and tried to hide in a corner near them. Directly over my head, the contents of which had momentarily stopped functioning. Some little corner of my brain thought I might get to see a spider/yellowjacket grudge match, so I just sort of stood there, four steps up the ladder. About a second later one of the yellowjackets went into the spiders's little corner, and they did indeed get into some kind of tussle. Locked in a death embrace, they both let go.
And dropped directly toward my face. And that time I did fall of the ladder trying to get off it, which is why I'm limping around this week.
The difference in moisture levels has affected more than just the plants, as well. There's a new breed of spider that has taken over the outside of my house this year. Normally, there would be tons of Phidippus Audax running around out there. These are medium-sized jumping spiders that are black and furry, except for a white diamond on their back, and two long, white triangles on their undersides. I'd gotten used to seeing them around the house during the summer. This year I haven't seen a single one.
Instead, I've encountered dozens of some new species. I haven't identified them for sure yet, but the leading condender is Dolomedes Tenebrosus, or the "dark fishing spider". They're large and predatory-looking, resembling wolf spiders, but are web-spinners. The ones around my house build large (18 inches or so) webs of classical shape. I've also seen them doing other little tricks, one of which is to get up into a high spot and drop down very suddenly on things. Mostly on me, as a matter of fact. I've taken to calling them "tiger spiders" both becuase of their color and their attitude.
Some nighttime images of my "new friends"
I've been out trying to get the trim on my house painted this summer, and I've run into these things repeatedly, usually when about nineteen feet off the ground, hanging precariously onto my "light duty" (read "wobbly-ass") aluminum ladder, with a can of paint in my hand. I definitely preferred the jumpers.
On saturday I was out finishing up one of the corners of my house, and I kept seeing yellow-jackets flying nearby. I've been nailed by these guys so many times I can't remember them all, but I've developed an aversion to them since last year when a particularly nasty one got me in the back of the hand, which swelled up like a clown glove for about two weeks. Also last year, a bunch of them decided to set up house in my garage. I took about three years off my life with the amount and variety of chemical agents I employed trying to kill them. Someone should send that moron Hans Blix out to my garage. I guarantee even he would find me in violation of some international chemical weapons treaty, even a year later.
So anyway, just as I was thinking "I hope those yellowjackets don't have a nest around here", I looked up from where I was painting under the eaves. About a foot above my head I see a few dozen angry-looking yellowjackets all standing on the wood near the corner of the gutter. I swear each and every one was looking at me. I very nearly fell of the ladder trying to get down.
As I was peeking up at them a few minutes later, trying to figure out what to do, with my head just above a separate section of the roof, one of these big tiger spiders comes out of the gutter about an inch and a half away from my face. I hadn't even seen her web. I managed to hold still as she went up her web, which I could now see was anchored on the same place where all the yellowjackets were. She climbed right up and tried to hide in a corner near them. Directly over my head, the contents of which had momentarily stopped functioning. Some little corner of my brain thought I might get to see a spider/yellowjacket grudge match, so I just sort of stood there, four steps up the ladder. About a second later one of the yellowjackets went into the spiders's little corner, and they did indeed get into some kind of tussle. Locked in a death embrace, they both let go.
And dropped directly toward my face. And that time I did fall of the ladder trying to get off it, which is why I'm limping around this week.
